self denial (A Stydia fic)
by Loveamandajean2013
Summary: lydia comes to terms with her feelings for Stiles while malia buys for his attention.


Lydia blinked against the sun streaming into her room, and groaned. It had been 2 months since Alison and Aiden had died; she was still having trouble handling it, if it weren't for stiles she doubted she could make it through the day. She finally got up and dressed herself. She looked in the mirror at her dark circles and dutifully began to apply makeup. She was Lydia Martin after all. She had to keep up her appearance. She finished her makeup and hair and quickly darted off to school. School was the worst part, Isaac and Ethan left shortly after the stint with the nogitsune so Lydia was left with Kira & Scott (who might as well be an item by now), Malia (who seemed to be getting pretty close with Stiles) and of course Stiles. Stiles had taken on an important role to her; he was her best friend and her anchor in many ways. She could barely remember the time before him. She shuddered; she couldn't believe how clueless she'd once been. As she walked through the doors of her chemistry class she saw Stiles turned around talking to Malia and felt a strange twinge in her stomach. She quickly sat down beside of him and cleared her throat. "Oh Lydia! Hey, do you have weekend plans?" Stiles asked excitedly. Lydia raised her eyebrows and shook her head "Great 'cause Malia had this idea that we should all do something like catch a movie or go bowling..." "Not bowling!" Lydia interrupted quickly. "Anything but bowling...it reminds me too much of Allison." She looked down as she spoke.

Stiles swore to himself! He couldn't believe he'd been so stupid! Jackson and Lydia had been bowling with Allison and Scott (on their first date.) "Of course! I'm so sorry, how does a movie sound?" Stiles asked Lydia while resisting the urge to put his arms around her. She nodded and smiled faintly. "It sounds like fun." Behind him Malia faked a cough so Stiles turned. He raised his eyebrows trying to signal to her that he was busy with Lydia, but Malia either wasn't taking the hint or she didn't care. She cut her eyes to Lydia and gave her head a quick shake. Stiles got the message: Malia didn't want Lydia to come. He didn't care. Lydia needed this and she needed him to be there for her, so he narrowed his eyes at Malia and mouthed "Lydia and I are a package deal these days." "Stiles, I don't know if I'm really up for anything this weekend," Lydia informed him as he turned back around.

Malia must have thought Lydia wasn't paying attention, but oh, she was. Lydia saw the silent conversation that Malia had had with Stiles, and Lydia didn't want to be somewhere when her presence wasn't welcome. "But Lydia..." Stiles started but she quickly held a hand up. "I really think I want to spend this weekend studying." (Total lie) Lydia watched Stiles' face fall and she noted happily that his enthusiasm for the weekend seemed to fade. "Maybe we should reschedule for another weekend so all of us can go?" Stiles asked hopefully. Lydia couldn't stop herself smiling slightly "no, go ahead. I'll be fine." Stiles sighed on defeat. At lunch the others talked about the weekend plans and decided on going to a movie Friday night. Kira asked Lydia about three times if she was sure she didn't and Scott asked her about twice as many. It felt good having her friends so concerned but every time one of them would ask she'd notice Malia's eyes turn hard. Stiles stayed quiet for much of lunch, which was weird for him. "Hey," Lydia said to Scott as they left the lunch room. She pulled him into a side hallway. Scott shifted uncomfortably as though the situation was too familiar. Lydia took a deep breath and began her questions "do you know what's wrong with stiles?" Scott's face took on a look of total (fake) surprise "what do you mean?" Lydia sighed heavily and began to explain "he just seems off, he has been down since first period and he barely said a word at lunch, plus he didn't even eat his Reese's cups." "He's just worried about you" Scott admitted.

Stiles walked with Malia down the halls "I can't believe you don't want Lydia to come tomorrow night!" "Well, unlike you, we don't all worship the ground she walks on," Malia replayed snippily. Stiles turned around and placed his hand on the nearest locker "what is your problem? I don't understand! What she ever done to you?" Stiles struggled to keep his voice under control. Malia looked down "my problem is she has you wrapped around her pinkie and doesn't even care." He voice was loud and people turned to stare at them. "My problem is I thought we had something! My problem is whenever she's around it's like I disappear; it's like everyone disappears! I don't understand! What is it you see in her?" Malia's face was now streaked with tears. Stiles just stood there mouth agape. Malia shook her head "you know never mind...I'm stupid for even caring...I'll just go and ask her to come myself, because she's obviously the only girl you'll ever want to have anything meaningful with." Malia stormed off and Stiles just stands there too shocked to move.

"So what you're saying is Stiles still has feelings for me? But what about Malia? And are you sure?" Lydia barely kept the excitement out of her voice. Scott looked her dead in the eyes "Lydia, honestly I don't think Stiles is capable of loving anyone but you." In spite of her deepest wishes Lydia broke into a smile then quickly fell "I have to go..." She turned and headed down the hallway. "Lydia!" Malia calls as she passes her in the hall. Lydia stops and turns to face her. Her face looked tear streaked but Lydia couldn't find it in her to care, she was far too deep in thought. Lydia watched Malia take a deep breath. "Listen I want to tell you that I really would like for you to come this weekend." Malia pushed the words out and cringed slightly. Lydia nods a thanks and asks her "do you know where Stiles is? I really need to talk to him." Malia's face hardens but she nods and points Lydia in the direction she had just come from.

"So Malia has feelings for me?" Stiles mused to himself as he walked to class. He was both shocked and flattered. He was so distracted by his own thoughts that he almost ran straight into Lydia as he turned a corner. "Stiles!" Lydia exclaimed as she grabbed him by his bicep. "I have to talk to you." She said as she switched her grip to his hand and started pulling him towards the exit. "Okay?" Stiles questioned. Stiles let Lydia lead him to her car. As they sat inside he noticed Lydia seemed nervous and jittery. Lydia had brought stiles out to her car a few times the past few months. When things were getting to be too much for her she would bring him out there and confide in him. "Lydia is everything okay?" Stiles asked, worried. He watched Lydia take a deep breath and listened to her say "I don't know; I'm so confused right now." Stiles gave her a questioning look and she continued "do you have feelings for Malia?" "I uhh I uhh well ummm well" he studded then finally sighed "sort of, but not really..." Lydia smiled slightly "oh...okay." "Lydia what is it? Are you okay? You know you can talk to me about anything" Stiles reassured her. "It's nothing supernatural and it's not about Aiden or Allison..." She started but then stopped herself. "Lydia," stiles said gripping her shoulder "it's okay no matter what it is I'm here for you." "I know, Stiles...do you...have you...given up on me?" "Never." Lydia touched his cheek in reply.

"I'm glad you haven't given up Stiles I'm so glad." "Lydia what are you trying to say?" Stiles asked as his brows knitted in confusion. "Maybe I should start from the beginning. Well, I think it started sophomore year when Scott was bitten...then everything else that went down with Jackson...well you know you slowly became my rock and support. Then you had that panic attack." "Oh I remember that panic attack" stiles interrupted with a smile. Lydia continued "after that I always felt the need to be there for you and then the nogitsune," Lydia said while casting her eyes downward. Stiles placed his hand on her shoulder for support. "I realized just how much you meant to me and recently with Malia throwing herself at you I realized I already thought of you as mine. That's not fair to you for me to think of you as mine and you not to know."Lydia smiled tentatively at Stiles and took his hand in hers. "Lydia, I've always been yours. Even when I wasn't on your radar, I was yours." Stiles said giving her hand a squeeze. "Do you want to go back to class or...?" Lydia trailed off raising an eye brow, hoping that Stiles would be up for skipping school and going to their usual spot at the park. Stiles smiled at her and held up his keys "your car or my jeep?"

Stiles couldn't believe what was happening. Lydia had feelings for him. Lydia wanted to skip school with him. Lydia had chosen to take his jeep. He glanced over at her as the pulled into the gravel parking area. She smiled him a winked. He kept stared at her in awe; the reality of the situation finally sinking in. "Stiles are you okay?" She asked with a hint if false annoyance. "Shhh! don't talk I've concluded this is a dream and I don't wanna wake up." Stiles said halfway serious. Lydia reached over and pinched his arm. "Owe! What was that for?" Stiles asked in shock. "Proof!" Lydia laughed and placed her hand on his. Stiles face softened as he looked at Lydia. He brought his hand and touched her cheek lightly. Lydia smiled and placed her hand on his neck, hoping, no praying, that he would kiss her. Stiles breath hitched. He knew. He just knew that now was the time. He leaned down, ducking his head and making his face more level with Lydia's. Lydia leaned up just a few centimeters to close the gap. Their lips met and Stiles like the world had gone dark around him and the only light was Lydia. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss and placed one hand in her hair and the other around her waist (which was more. Difficult than you would think considering they were in a jeep)

Breathe! Breathe! Lydia had to keep reminding herself. She was so lost in Stiles. The feeling of his lips on hers. The warmth from his hand on her waist and the slight tug of the other in her hair was almost overwhelming. She was holding either side of his face. Not wanting the kiss to end. Finally she felt Stiles head pull back and the broke for air. Panting she looked at Stiles, Her stiles, and smiled. "You know that was just..." Stiles stopped unable to think of a word. "Something?" Lydia suggested with a hint of humor. Stiles smile widen as he said "yeah. something." With those words he unfastened his seatbelt and opened his door. Within seconds he was opening Lydia's for her and offering out his arm.


End file.
